Mom's body looked so precious and angelic when our family one by one said our last good-bye's to her. I felt her warmth and spirit embracing me and her energy in the hospital room prior to leaving. Once again, many Doctors, Nurses, Patient Technicians, Hospitality Staff, and Housekeeping came by to give their condolence and heart felt feelings of love and gratefulness to have met our "Energizer Momma Ruthie." It was overwhelming and endearing to hear the kind words expressed about Mom and many tears that were being shed as each person spoke. This is a true example of how special Mom has been and still is to many.
Mom passed at the age of 75. Mom's final days and hours were spent surrounded by family and long time friends (30 plus years and more)that she had touched in so many ways throughout her memorable life. Mom surely lived her life to the fullest and her care and concern for others will be greatly missed.
Mom's life would seem too short to many, but those who were touched by her, understood that the quality of existence far exceeds the quantity of time in which one lives. Mom will always be remembered for her courage and hope, her zest for life, her playfulness, her love for adventure and yearning to seek new experiences, her charismatic personality, her infectious laugh with a snort and her strong sense of family. Mom will especially be remembered for her persistence to be heard, understood and to make change. It would be an honor to be able to walk in her shoes. I will miss my Mom deeply.
Funeral Services will be held on Friday, April 30th at 1pm at Brighton Memorial Chapel Inc. 3325 Winton Rd. So. and Jefferson Road. The funeral will be at White Haven Memorial Park. Following the funeral, a period of mourning will be observed at 59 Charissa Run, Henrietta. Friday & Saturday 4-6pm and Sunday 1-4 pm. In lieu of flowers, donations may be made to the Simon Wiesenthal Center (1399 S. Roxbury Dr., Los Angeles, CA 90035) or charity of one's choice in her memory. To leave a message of condolence, please visit: www.BrightonMemorialChapel.com
All our love from the Baskin Family xoxoxo
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Mom passed peacefully at 8:30am
Mom passed peacefully this morning at 8:30am. I and Kimmy were with her. I was holding Mom and she slipped away without a sign of discomfort or straining.
I will blog this evening. There is a lot to attend to at this time.
Thank you for all your never ending love, warmth, prayers and support,
Karen, Kimmy, Poppie, Mike, Cindy, Brian, Reece and the rest of our family xoxoxoxo
I will blog this evening. There is a lot to attend to at this time.
Thank you for all your never ending love, warmth, prayers and support,
Karen, Kimmy, Poppie, Mike, Cindy, Brian, Reece and the rest of our family xoxoxoxo
Non responsive, but fighting
We thought Mom was going to pass away last night. I left off that Mom was getting another increase of pain medication with anxiety medication. Her increases were every 45 minutes from 8pm till present. Mom was under great distress from yesterday at 4:30pm till about 4:00am this morning.
Around 9:15pm the Doctor's and Nurses said Mom may not make it through the night. I had called Poppie, who had left for home for some sleep around 7:00pm. He and his sisters returned to the hospital around 9:50pm and stayed with Mom, Brian, Kimmy and I till 1:00am. I had called Mike and Cindy at 9:17pm and were waiting by the phone for my call when Mom was definitely close to passing.
Brian, Kimmy and I bunked down with Mom in her hospital room and are still here. Since yesterday, there has been a non stop flow of medical staff coming in to check on Mom. Many of them were off duty and coming in to be with her and the family. Mom is SO LOVED by so many. This experience to witness how deeply Mom has touched so many people is simply overwhelming and beautiful. If I can only hope to be able to touch so many and shower them with unconditional love.
Mom at this point, is resting and breathing without too much struggle. She is being kept comfortable and we believe she is not in distress or pain. Mom will continue to be receiving increases of Dilaudid (pain medication) on a continuous drip, intermittent pushes of more Dilaudid, when needed and Klonopin (anxiety medication) every hour or as needed. Mom at this point has received enough Dilaudid that an elephant would be resting well. She is fighter for sure. We all hope she will be able to rest at peace today and for ever on.
To add to the unusual, it began raining early this morning and now is snowing. Mom must be controlling our weather. She loves snow and may be dreaming she is getting ready to go ice skating, sledding, or simply romping in the snow as we did when I was a younger. The power that our "Little Energizer Momma Ruthie" has is simply magical.
More to follow.
All our love,
Karen
Around 9:15pm the Doctor's and Nurses said Mom may not make it through the night. I had called Poppie, who had left for home for some sleep around 7:00pm. He and his sisters returned to the hospital around 9:50pm and stayed with Mom, Brian, Kimmy and I till 1:00am. I had called Mike and Cindy at 9:17pm and were waiting by the phone for my call when Mom was definitely close to passing.
Brian, Kimmy and I bunked down with Mom in her hospital room and are still here. Since yesterday, there has been a non stop flow of medical staff coming in to check on Mom. Many of them were off duty and coming in to be with her and the family. Mom is SO LOVED by so many. This experience to witness how deeply Mom has touched so many people is simply overwhelming and beautiful. If I can only hope to be able to touch so many and shower them with unconditional love.
Mom at this point, is resting and breathing without too much struggle. She is being kept comfortable and we believe she is not in distress or pain. Mom will continue to be receiving increases of Dilaudid (pain medication) on a continuous drip, intermittent pushes of more Dilaudid, when needed and Klonopin (anxiety medication) every hour or as needed. Mom at this point has received enough Dilaudid that an elephant would be resting well. She is fighter for sure. We all hope she will be able to rest at peace today and for ever on.
To add to the unusual, it began raining early this morning and now is snowing. Mom must be controlling our weather. She loves snow and may be dreaming she is getting ready to go ice skating, sledding, or simply romping in the snow as we did when I was a younger. The power that our "Little Energizer Momma Ruthie" has is simply magical.
More to follow.
All our love,
Karen
Monday, April 26, 2010
Mom's Being Brave, but she is suffering now
Early this morning Mom was experiencing an increase of pain. The Doctors increased her pain medication. The family was taking turns lightly rubbing her areas of pain with ice that seems to help decrease her symptoms or simply distract her.
Sadly, Mom had several more episodes of severe pain. The Doctors have increased her pain medication several times today, 11:30am, 4:30pm., 5:40pm and soon at 8pm. Mom at this point is able to hear and that is all. She is non ambulatory and and responsive with speaking, squeezing her fingers, raising her eyebrows or showing any physical movement to indicate communicating. Mom is moving through the stages pretty quickly at this point. The Doctors and Nurses are watching her body language and breathing closely to determine her comfort and pain levels.
Since this early this morning to present, The family has been taking turns massaging Mom, using ice to massage her and we all hope to help her stay as calm as possible.
More to come later.
Karen
Sadly, Mom had several more episodes of severe pain. The Doctors have increased her pain medication several times today, 11:30am, 4:30pm., 5:40pm and soon at 8pm. Mom at this point is able to hear and that is all. She is non ambulatory and and responsive with speaking, squeezing her fingers, raising her eyebrows or showing any physical movement to indicate communicating. Mom is moving through the stages pretty quickly at this point. The Doctors and Nurses are watching her body language and breathing closely to determine her comfort and pain levels.
Since this early this morning to present, The family has been taking turns massaging Mom, using ice to massage her and we all hope to help her stay as calm as possible.
More to come later.
Karen
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Mom is connecting at a new level
Today is day 15 since Mom was admitted on April 11 with a 911 call. Poppie arrived his usual time to see Mom at 8 am. We designated the mornings so Mom and Poppie could have private time for 3-4 hours. Mostly they have a light bite of breakfast together, visit for a bit and then fall asleep together for several hours. The rest of the family slowly trickles in after 11:30am.
This morning was a slightly new routine. Mom is slipping away slowly. Poppie arrived finding Mom gently and quietly being fed small nibbles of oatmeal. Mom's eyes remained closed the entire time. Since yesterday afternoon, Mom had barely opened her eyes when spoken with. Poppie listened quietly to Mom's Nurse, Heather, so gently and softly speaking with Mom. Mom could answer questions in a quiet, low and straining voice. Mom did not open her eyes at all to speak.
This afternoon, Poppie's sisters were on a roll telling family stories. The theme was basaed around embarassing momments. We were all in stitches listening to Aunt Carol and then Aunt Maxine. They both have an incredible delivery and such a theatrical way with their story telling. Mom, although never opened her eyes, she periodically would chuckle, smile or smirk. We all enjoyed. My childhood friend, Lisa and her boyfriend Chris stopped in and Chris shared lots of his childhood stories and laughter. Mom always perks up when Lisa is around. It is wonderful to have decades of history bouncing around the room for all to enjoy.
Again, Poppie, Aunt Carol, Aunt Maxine, Mike, Cindy, and Brian left between 6-9:00pm. Kimmy and I like to stay with Mom into the night until 11:30pm - 1 am. Mom had a surprise visitor tonight. One of her first Doctors back in November, Dr. Brandon Stead, came by with his wife, Cherry and son, Kiel for a quick visit. Mom and Poppie have adopted them into our family. Since November, we have had them over monthly for dinners and we all have come to love each others company. Though the visit was a short one, Mom so enjoyed seeing them in between her quick naps.
Tonight is the third night Mom has gone into a deep sleep mumbling, talking and exhibiting lots of facials. It was interesting last night around 10pm, Mom mumbled that "You need to help Daddy fix the computer". She kept repeating this to Kimmy and I several times in her deep dream state. We did not think much of this. Around 12:30am, Kimmy and I arrived home. Poppie was waiting up for me and asked if I would please fix the computer. He said around 10pm he had hit a wrong key again on the computer and the emails got "messed up". He could not resolve the problem and wanted to call Mom , as she usually corrects the issues. Unfortunately, he had to wait until I got home to correct the problem. I shared the story about Mom saying he had problems tonight around the same time and we simply stared at each other with our eyes wide open and speechless. Has Mom entered a new dimension? Is Mom now taping into a different part of her brain that we are not able to? "Things that make you go hmmmmmm."
Mom was emotionally deflated today. She simply has had enough and does not want to continue suffering. She has asked her Dr.'s and Nurses several times today if they would please give her a pill to stop her suffering. She no longer is able to transfer herself without assistance, she is using a camode by her bed (discussion of a catheter was presented today), she is on additional medication to slow down some discomforting symptoms and she is extremely exhausted. She no longer is able to keep her eyes open for more than a minute or so. She is unable to feed herself, though she is still able to swallow. She has absolutely NO appetite and is refusing to eat more than a few spoonfuls several times of day.
Mom and I spoke this morning on how this is NOT a way to die. She wants me and the medical staff to write letters to change the laws! She wants people to be able to take a "Pill" and end their own misery. It is so painful to watch such a slow death. Especially, to someone that is so mentally present and feels so trapped in a body that is so far advanced with a disease and simply continues to be failing her.
This is NOT A WAY TO DIE!
Karen
This morning was a slightly new routine. Mom is slipping away slowly. Poppie arrived finding Mom gently and quietly being fed small nibbles of oatmeal. Mom's eyes remained closed the entire time. Since yesterday afternoon, Mom had barely opened her eyes when spoken with. Poppie listened quietly to Mom's Nurse, Heather, so gently and softly speaking with Mom. Mom could answer questions in a quiet, low and straining voice. Mom did not open her eyes at all to speak.
This afternoon, Poppie's sisters were on a roll telling family stories. The theme was basaed around embarassing momments. We were all in stitches listening to Aunt Carol and then Aunt Maxine. They both have an incredible delivery and such a theatrical way with their story telling. Mom, although never opened her eyes, she periodically would chuckle, smile or smirk. We all enjoyed. My childhood friend, Lisa and her boyfriend Chris stopped in and Chris shared lots of his childhood stories and laughter. Mom always perks up when Lisa is around. It is wonderful to have decades of history bouncing around the room for all to enjoy.
Again, Poppie, Aunt Carol, Aunt Maxine, Mike, Cindy, and Brian left between 6-9:00pm. Kimmy and I like to stay with Mom into the night until 11:30pm - 1 am. Mom had a surprise visitor tonight. One of her first Doctors back in November, Dr. Brandon Stead, came by with his wife, Cherry and son, Kiel for a quick visit. Mom and Poppie have adopted them into our family. Since November, we have had them over monthly for dinners and we all have come to love each others company. Though the visit was a short one, Mom so enjoyed seeing them in between her quick naps.
Tonight is the third night Mom has gone into a deep sleep mumbling, talking and exhibiting lots of facials. It was interesting last night around 10pm, Mom mumbled that "You need to help Daddy fix the computer". She kept repeating this to Kimmy and I several times in her deep dream state. We did not think much of this. Around 12:30am, Kimmy and I arrived home. Poppie was waiting up for me and asked if I would please fix the computer. He said around 10pm he had hit a wrong key again on the computer and the emails got "messed up". He could not resolve the problem and wanted to call Mom , as she usually corrects the issues. Unfortunately, he had to wait until I got home to correct the problem. I shared the story about Mom saying he had problems tonight around the same time and we simply stared at each other with our eyes wide open and speechless. Has Mom entered a new dimension? Is Mom now taping into a different part of her brain that we are not able to? "Things that make you go hmmmmmm."
Mom was emotionally deflated today. She simply has had enough and does not want to continue suffering. She has asked her Dr.'s and Nurses several times today if they would please give her a pill to stop her suffering. She no longer is able to transfer herself without assistance, she is using a camode by her bed (discussion of a catheter was presented today), she is on additional medication to slow down some discomforting symptoms and she is extremely exhausted. She no longer is able to keep her eyes open for more than a minute or so. She is unable to feed herself, though she is still able to swallow. She has absolutely NO appetite and is refusing to eat more than a few spoonfuls several times of day.
Mom and I spoke this morning on how this is NOT a way to die. She wants me and the medical staff to write letters to change the laws! She wants people to be able to take a "Pill" and end their own misery. It is so painful to watch such a slow death. Especially, to someone that is so mentally present and feels so trapped in a body that is so far advanced with a disease and simply continues to be failing her.
This is NOT A WAY TO DIE!
Karen
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Mom's day was spent mostly dreaming
I forgot to blog last night that Mom was in a deep dream state prior to Kimmy and I leaving. For about 90 minutes Mom was talking about seeing Uncle Elliott, her eldest brother. Elliott passed almost 5 years ago from Multiple Myeloma. Mom expressed being with him at a party and having fun. She said he looked really big. She had an intermittent smile throughout the hour and half. Most of what she was saying was difficult to understand. She did repsond to my questions.
This morning, Mom had a short window of time that she could stay focused. The majority of the day she had her eyes closed, was drifting off, mumbling and not making much sense. Today, was Mom's first day extremely exhausted, needing to use a camode next to her bed with assitance to transfer and could barely eat. She has lost her desire to feed herself nor does she have any interest in food.
Mom is not in pain and the Doctors are focusing on keeping her comfortable with her other symptoms. At this point with her body declining her symptoms are no longer important to describe on the blog. Just know that Mom is less aware of everything going on and is receiving immediate attention to keep her comfortable and pain free.
Poppie, Aunt Maxine, Aunt Carol, Mike, Cindy, Brian, Kimmy and I spent the entire day with Mom. Kimmy and I stayed late into the night with Mom as usual. It is amazing how busy Mom's mind is though she is not fully coherant. She would mutter statements that would have "Daddy, Brian, or Michael" in it. Nothing was making sense.
Again, thank you for your continuous love and support for Mom and the rest of the famly.
Karen.
This morning, Mom had a short window of time that she could stay focused. The majority of the day she had her eyes closed, was drifting off, mumbling and not making much sense. Today, was Mom's first day extremely exhausted, needing to use a camode next to her bed with assitance to transfer and could barely eat. She has lost her desire to feed herself nor does she have any interest in food.
Mom is not in pain and the Doctors are focusing on keeping her comfortable with her other symptoms. At this point with her body declining her symptoms are no longer important to describe on the blog. Just know that Mom is less aware of everything going on and is receiving immediate attention to keep her comfortable and pain free.
Poppie, Aunt Maxine, Aunt Carol, Mike, Cindy, Brian, Kimmy and I spent the entire day with Mom. Kimmy and I stayed late into the night with Mom as usual. It is amazing how busy Mom's mind is though she is not fully coherant. She would mutter statements that would have "Daddy, Brian, or Michael" in it. Nothing was making sense.
Again, thank you for your continuous love and support for Mom and the rest of the famly.
Karen.
Friday, April 23, 2010
Another Day to share with Mom
Today was a pretty good Friday. The majority of the day Mom was quiet with minimum visitors. Mom's symptoms are slightly increasing. She is sleeping more overall. Mom's platelets are dropping.
Today, when Mom was awake she engaged in conversation with a low and weak voice. Mom still shares her witty personality and is directing all how we can better ourselves. Aunt Maxine gave Mom a gift today. Mom was so excited to receive her new bed pal. It is an adorable 3 multi-colored stuffed doggy that is soooo soft to pet. Mom has cuddled it since she received it. She is so cute caressing it. Mom named her new bed companion "Doglet."
Mom did enjoy having Poppie and his sisters (Maxine and Carol), Mike, Cindy, Cuz Jody, Kimmy, my childhood friend Lisa and I for the majority of the morning into the evening. She enjoyed listening to the many stories and engaged in laughter on and off. Unfortunately, Brian came down with a cold Wednesday night. He has not seen Mom yesterday or today. It is sad for all of us. We miss his company. Hopefully, he will be better soon.
The family left around 6pm tonight. Kimmy and I stayed late into the night with Mom as ususal. Selfishly, we are stealing all the time we can with her even though she is sleeping more. All night she was extremely tired and moaning or talking in her sleep. Her pain levels were 1-3. Her vitals all were in the "normal" range throughout the night.
Several Doctors who work in other departments in the hospital stopped in to visit Mom. One of the Oncology Nurses in her unit introduced her husband and 2 year old son to Mom. Mom so enjoys meeting the Nurse's family members. Mom had the Nurse and her husband captivated in conversation for a good 15-20 minutes with her loving and warm personality. Their son was so enjoying the vanilla wafers we had.
Kimmy and I decided to head out since Mom was in a deep sleep around 11:30pm. It is so comforting to leave Mom with the staff on this Oncology floor. They all are so endearing with Mom. Several of them stay with Mom for almost an hour at a time to keep her company.
More to come tomorrow. It is nice to be able to say that for now.
All My Warmth and Love,
Karen
Today, when Mom was awake she engaged in conversation with a low and weak voice. Mom still shares her witty personality and is directing all how we can better ourselves. Aunt Maxine gave Mom a gift today. Mom was so excited to receive her new bed pal. It is an adorable 3 multi-colored stuffed doggy that is soooo soft to pet. Mom has cuddled it since she received it. She is so cute caressing it. Mom named her new bed companion "Doglet."
Mom did enjoy having Poppie and his sisters (Maxine and Carol), Mike, Cindy, Cuz Jody, Kimmy, my childhood friend Lisa and I for the majority of the morning into the evening. She enjoyed listening to the many stories and engaged in laughter on and off. Unfortunately, Brian came down with a cold Wednesday night. He has not seen Mom yesterday or today. It is sad for all of us. We miss his company. Hopefully, he will be better soon.
The family left around 6pm tonight. Kimmy and I stayed late into the night with Mom as ususal. Selfishly, we are stealing all the time we can with her even though she is sleeping more. All night she was extremely tired and moaning or talking in her sleep. Her pain levels were 1-3. Her vitals all were in the "normal" range throughout the night.
Several Doctors who work in other departments in the hospital stopped in to visit Mom. One of the Oncology Nurses in her unit introduced her husband and 2 year old son to Mom. Mom so enjoys meeting the Nurse's family members. Mom had the Nurse and her husband captivated in conversation for a good 15-20 minutes with her loving and warm personality. Their son was so enjoying the vanilla wafers we had.
Kimmy and I decided to head out since Mom was in a deep sleep around 11:30pm. It is so comforting to leave Mom with the staff on this Oncology floor. They all are so endearing with Mom. Several of them stay with Mom for almost an hour at a time to keep her company.
More to come tomorrow. It is nice to be able to say that for now.
All My Warmth and Love,
Karen
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Each Day is more difficult
Daily, Mom is physically challenged with old and new symptoms. Despite the discomforts Mom's pain is again in control. She now needs to be on her oxygen more and more to maintain her energy. Today, Mom enjoyed the family, but did not converse much. She was pretty tired and speaking was more difficult. Her energy is low, her voice is raspy, and she dozes off many times within an hour.
Mom did find the energy today to educate three people for 15 minutes on how to manage their weight. She actually lit up, was very focused and mentally conveyed her thoughts clearly. We all chuckle that Mom still focuses on offering constructive ideas for each of us to better ourselves. Bless her heart that she is more concerned about everyone else more than herself. Her depth of love and caring for others will never change.
Mom did join Kimmy and I for dinner tonight. I made her a lovely ham, chicken, cheese, lettuce, tomato and honey mustard sandwich on a roll. Mom had a big smile while eating it. We are so happy she is eating though she does not have a trigger for hunger anymore. I know she simply humors me. She seems to only eat if I am around at this point. Thank G-d I am here with her from 11am to after midnight everyday. I am definitely a product of my parents. I, like my parents, am so food oriented. We so adore that dirty four letter word...FOOD.
Mom, Kimmy and I are enjoying the quiet time at night together. Mom is in awe of how Kimmy is able to shut out everything around her all day and into the night, sit with her computer and put in long hours of work. Mom, I and a wonderful nurse Heather shared some time tonight to give her a real shower. Mom also enjoyed a foot bath. She was squeaky clean and felt refreshed. Mom was absolutely exhausted by the time she got back into bed. I gave her another massage (her 3rd for the day)and fell right into a calm sleep.
xoxoxo I so love sharing our time together xoxoxo
It is still so surreal that Mom will not be getting better, not coming home, not enjoy shopping with me, not hanging out with me, not having girl talks with me, not playing board games with me, not socializing with her and or my friends, not sharing with our family when we get together, not planning trips with Poppie, and mostly not coming home to San Diego with Poppie to enjoy Kimmy, Shayna Punum and all our friends again with me. I better stop now. My tears are streaming in between the keys on my keyboard.
Thank you for sharing all these months in my journey with my Mom and our entire family so far. I will blog again tomorrow.
Again, your love, warmth, emails, cards, and reaching out has been instrumental to helping us all be here today and still enjoying our Energizer Momma Ruthie. Her battery is loosing its juice and there is no way to plug her back in.
All my love and thank you for your compassion,
Karen
Mom did find the energy today to educate three people for 15 minutes on how to manage their weight. She actually lit up, was very focused and mentally conveyed her thoughts clearly. We all chuckle that Mom still focuses on offering constructive ideas for each of us to better ourselves. Bless her heart that she is more concerned about everyone else more than herself. Her depth of love and caring for others will never change.
Mom did join Kimmy and I for dinner tonight. I made her a lovely ham, chicken, cheese, lettuce, tomato and honey mustard sandwich on a roll. Mom had a big smile while eating it. We are so happy she is eating though she does not have a trigger for hunger anymore. I know she simply humors me. She seems to only eat if I am around at this point. Thank G-d I am here with her from 11am to after midnight everyday. I am definitely a product of my parents. I, like my parents, am so food oriented. We so adore that dirty four letter word...FOOD.
Mom, Kimmy and I are enjoying the quiet time at night together. Mom is in awe of how Kimmy is able to shut out everything around her all day and into the night, sit with her computer and put in long hours of work. Mom, I and a wonderful nurse Heather shared some time tonight to give her a real shower. Mom also enjoyed a foot bath. She was squeaky clean and felt refreshed. Mom was absolutely exhausted by the time she got back into bed. I gave her another massage (her 3rd for the day)and fell right into a calm sleep.
xoxoxo I so love sharing our time together xoxoxo
It is still so surreal that Mom will not be getting better, not coming home, not enjoy shopping with me, not hanging out with me, not having girl talks with me, not playing board games with me, not socializing with her and or my friends, not sharing with our family when we get together, not planning trips with Poppie, and mostly not coming home to San Diego with Poppie to enjoy Kimmy, Shayna Punum and all our friends again with me. I better stop now. My tears are streaming in between the keys on my keyboard.
Thank you for sharing all these months in my journey with my Mom and our entire family so far. I will blog again tomorrow.
Again, your love, warmth, emails, cards, and reaching out has been instrumental to helping us all be here today and still enjoying our Energizer Momma Ruthie. Her battery is loosing its juice and there is no way to plug her back in.
All my love and thank you for your compassion,
Karen
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Emotionally a lot of life remains
Shortly after leaving Mom last night, around midnight, she had another level 10 flare up. This time it was her right shoulder down the arm and into her hand. She was in terrible pain for about 90 minutes. The Nurse had to give Mom two boosts of Dilaudid (pain medication) until her pain level went down to a 2-3 level. Thankfully, she was not left alone. Her Nurse and her Patient Care Technician stayed with her for the entire time until her pain decreased. The PCT continued to stay with Mom and massaged her for a good 20 minutes. It is so comforting knowing Mom has such tender and loving care when we, the family, are not around.
Around 8:00am this morning, Mom sounded exhausted and her voice was extremely grumbly/froggy. This continued all day. In the morning Mom had a about 8 people visiting her. Around 4pm, the family was permitted to take Mom outside in a wheelchair. We wheeled her into a garden outside the hospital. We took some family pictures and we all enjoyed the fresh air, the 62 degree weather, the light breeze, the warmth from the sunlight and simply being together.
After being outside, Mom was wiped out! Around 7pm the family left. Kimmy and I stayed with Mom for the rest of the night. Mom was extremely sad and we started to talk about her feelings revolving around her dying. This is a topic she has not been able to speak about. Lots of tears, locked eyes, and not much talk occurred between us. I am being patient for her to start talking. Mom is simply angry and NOT ready to stop living! It is so painful to see Mom struggle to control her destiny. She wants LIFE and she cannot change her destiny.
I asked Mom at a certain point if she wanted me to massage her. She gave me that big smile with a nod saying YES. I worked on Mom for almost an hour. She finally relaxed physically, but that mind of hers would not shut off. There was one wonderful distraction for Mom. One of the many Nurses that adore Mom came in to chat. she was sharing with Mom how she was such an inspiration to set a date for her wedding sooner than later. Mom and she proceeded to talk and plan the entire wedding. This brought a big smile, laughter and giggling. Mom so loves life and it shows.
It simply breaks my heart that Mom has to suffer before passing away. This is just "wrong" for anyone to have to suffer so.
More to come tomorrow.
Thank you for all your unconditional support,
Karen
Around 8:00am this morning, Mom sounded exhausted and her voice was extremely grumbly/froggy. This continued all day. In the morning Mom had a about 8 people visiting her. Around 4pm, the family was permitted to take Mom outside in a wheelchair. We wheeled her into a garden outside the hospital. We took some family pictures and we all enjoyed the fresh air, the 62 degree weather, the light breeze, the warmth from the sunlight and simply being together.
After being outside, Mom was wiped out! Around 7pm the family left. Kimmy and I stayed with Mom for the rest of the night. Mom was extremely sad and we started to talk about her feelings revolving around her dying. This is a topic she has not been able to speak about. Lots of tears, locked eyes, and not much talk occurred between us. I am being patient for her to start talking. Mom is simply angry and NOT ready to stop living! It is so painful to see Mom struggle to control her destiny. She wants LIFE and she cannot change her destiny.
I asked Mom at a certain point if she wanted me to massage her. She gave me that big smile with a nod saying YES. I worked on Mom for almost an hour. She finally relaxed physically, but that mind of hers would not shut off. There was one wonderful distraction for Mom. One of the many Nurses that adore Mom came in to chat. she was sharing with Mom how she was such an inspiration to set a date for her wedding sooner than later. Mom and she proceeded to talk and plan the entire wedding. This brought a big smile, laughter and giggling. Mom so loves life and it shows.
It simply breaks my heart that Mom has to suffer before passing away. This is just "wrong" for anyone to have to suffer so.
More to come tomorrow.
Thank you for all your unconditional support,
Karen
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Fighting Intermittent Pain
Earlier this evening around 4:45pm Mom's left leg started hurting and went from a level 2 to a level 10 in about 15-20 mins. Mom was hoping the pain would simply would go away. Brian told Mom to report it immediately. She was at a level 6 when she told her nurse. I also explained again to Mom that the pain simply escalates within a short period of time which may trigger more pain elsewhere. The nurses and doctor told her the same thing. She needs to speak up immediately.
Mom was at a level 10 before she could be given more pain medication. The pain medication was increased. Her(PCA) Patient Controled Analgesia, also known as "The Button" was adjusted. Her PCA medication was increased and the frequency was increased. She now pushes "the button" every 10 minutes rather than every 15 minutes. After about 50 mins of the pain medication in her system, receiving an ice rubbing on her leg from me as a distraction and getting a light massage, her pain level eventually returned to a 2-3. She eventually calmed enough to close her eyes and take deep breaths.
Mom did find great enjoyment later tonight. Poppie and his two sisters (Marilyn, and Carol), Brian, Kimmy and I watched with Mom her favorite show; Dancing with The Stars. This is a show that Mom and Poppie always watch together. It was so cute to see Mom, Poppie, and "The Sisters" watch with such intensity. They couldn't keep their eyes off the TV nor rating the dancers. Brian, Kimmy and I kept giggling to how into the show they were.
Kimmy and I left Mom around 11:30pm. Mom was feeling the increased medication. Mom began dozing off into a deep sleep so we decided to leave her with the nurses and staff on duty. We will be back early tomorrow and stay into the late night as we do.
Sleep well and again thank you for all your compassion and support,
Karen
Mom was at a level 10 before she could be given more pain medication. The pain medication was increased. Her(PCA) Patient Controled Analgesia, also known as "The Button" was adjusted. Her PCA medication was increased and the frequency was increased. She now pushes "the button" every 10 minutes rather than every 15 minutes. After about 50 mins of the pain medication in her system, receiving an ice rubbing on her leg from me as a distraction and getting a light massage, her pain level eventually returned to a 2-3. She eventually calmed enough to close her eyes and take deep breaths.
Mom did find great enjoyment later tonight. Poppie and his two sisters (Marilyn, and Carol), Brian, Kimmy and I watched with Mom her favorite show; Dancing with The Stars. This is a show that Mom and Poppie always watch together. It was so cute to see Mom, Poppie, and "The Sisters" watch with such intensity. They couldn't keep their eyes off the TV nor rating the dancers. Brian, Kimmy and I kept giggling to how into the show they were.
Kimmy and I left Mom around 11:30pm. Mom was feeling the increased medication. Mom began dozing off into a deep sleep so we decided to leave her with the nurses and staff on duty. We will be back early tomorrow and stay into the late night as we do.
Sleep well and again thank you for all your compassion and support,
Karen
Mom is mentally staying strong
Yesterday was a difficult day for Mom. Several of our out of town relatives had to say good-bye to Mom. This was so painful to observe Mom say, for her last time, "See You Later." Tears were streaming down her little face to the finality of never seeing them again.
Emotionally, Mom is dealing pretty well with the fact that her final days are around the corner. Mom does express her anger about the fact she has been dealt this "crappy hand." Mom says she now understands how people on death row must feel. The only difference is that she is innocent with her sentence to death.
It is so difficult for Mom to accept that her body continues to be failing. All the symptoms from the previous blog are becoming more serious. Mom's metabolism and neuromuscular functioning is slowing down daily. Details at this point regarding the breaking down to Mom's functioning is not necessary to describe. Please know that Mom's pain and other discomforts are being addressed immediately. Mom is now on day 3with level 1 or 2 pain/discomforts. Her pain medication has been increased to maintain her comfort. This will continue as she needs.
OK, some funny things that have been going on the past few days. I have been taping daily all the stories and conversations that Mom has been having with our relatives, with at least 12-15 people visiting for the day. Mom still has her witty personality and shares many stories in great detail. The room has been filled with tears of laughter and sadness.
Today, my fathers three sisters, Carol, Maxine and Marilyn are all here together with us. Mom and Poppie are taping and telling stories when they first met, their dating, the proposal and their life together. It is wonderful listening to all the stories from everyone. These are wonderful memories for all of who will live on with Mom in memory.
Mom is loving having so many relatives around her from day to day. The hours are spent with lots of love and endearing enjoyment. Mom has family with her from about 8am till about 1 am daily. Then the staff on her floor take over and spend all her awaking time talking, holding her hand, crying and laughing together.
More to come tomorrow.
Lots of love,
Karen
Emotionally, Mom is dealing pretty well with the fact that her final days are around the corner. Mom does express her anger about the fact she has been dealt this "crappy hand." Mom says she now understands how people on death row must feel. The only difference is that she is innocent with her sentence to death.
It is so difficult for Mom to accept that her body continues to be failing. All the symptoms from the previous blog are becoming more serious. Mom's metabolism and neuromuscular functioning is slowing down daily. Details at this point regarding the breaking down to Mom's functioning is not necessary to describe. Please know that Mom's pain and other discomforts are being addressed immediately. Mom is now on day 3with level 1 or 2 pain/discomforts. Her pain medication has been increased to maintain her comfort. This will continue as she needs.
OK, some funny things that have been going on the past few days. I have been taping daily all the stories and conversations that Mom has been having with our relatives, with at least 12-15 people visiting for the day. Mom still has her witty personality and shares many stories in great detail. The room has been filled with tears of laughter and sadness.
Today, my fathers three sisters, Carol, Maxine and Marilyn are all here together with us. Mom and Poppie are taping and telling stories when they first met, their dating, the proposal and their life together. It is wonderful listening to all the stories from everyone. These are wonderful memories for all of who will live on with Mom in memory.
Mom is loving having so many relatives around her from day to day. The hours are spent with lots of love and endearing enjoyment. Mom has family with her from about 8am till about 1 am daily. Then the staff on her floor take over and spend all her awaking time talking, holding her hand, crying and laughing together.
More to come tomorrow.
Lots of love,
Karen
Monday, April 19, 2010
Mom is "unwinding" with understanding
Mom is on day 4 with no chemo and she is only on pain medication to ensure her comfort. Yesterday, Mom was on day 2 of feeling level 1-2 pain. She began to experience a decrease in appetite. Her body's functions have begun to slow down. Her mouth has been continuously dry and she is now struggling to keep her mouth moist. Overall, the body has its own wisdom and knows what it needs to do to prepare to slowly shut down. I personally call this the unwinding process.
Mom's metabolism is also changing. She is now experiencing the need to sleep more or close her eyes for a "cat nap" as Mom says. It is now so important to spend more time with Mom when her awareness is at it's greatest.
Neuromusculary, Mom is also feeling symptoms. She has less stability when standing or walking. Mom is experiencing joint and muscle stiffness in her legs, hips, shoulders and neck. I simply am administering several times in the day range of motion to her joints, gently stretching her muscles, and offering light massage.
Mom was interactive with the family. She was telling family stories and others chimed in as well. We spend a lot of time laughing, crying, and hugging with all. Again, relatives from all over the country have flown in and more are flying in within the week. It was wonderful to have so many of the Medical staff join our family in laughter, tears and their stories about Mom over the past 5 months. It is simply heart warming to see and feel the love from so many people that Mom has touched. Our relatives are not surprised at all that "our Energizer Momma Ruhtie" touches everyone she meets with such great death of love.
More to follow as today unfolds into the late night.
Have a beautiful day and treasure everything around you.
Lots of love and gratefulness for your unlimited support,
Karen
Mom's metabolism is also changing. She is now experiencing the need to sleep more or close her eyes for a "cat nap" as Mom says. It is now so important to spend more time with Mom when her awareness is at it's greatest.
Neuromusculary, Mom is also feeling symptoms. She has less stability when standing or walking. Mom is experiencing joint and muscle stiffness in her legs, hips, shoulders and neck. I simply am administering several times in the day range of motion to her joints, gently stretching her muscles, and offering light massage.
Mom was interactive with the family. She was telling family stories and others chimed in as well. We spend a lot of time laughing, crying, and hugging with all. Again, relatives from all over the country have flown in and more are flying in within the week. It was wonderful to have so many of the Medical staff join our family in laughter, tears and their stories about Mom over the past 5 months. It is simply heart warming to see and feel the love from so many people that Mom has touched. Our relatives are not surprised at all that "our Energizer Momma Ruhtie" touches everyone she meets with such great death of love.
More to follow as today unfolds into the late night.
Have a beautiful day and treasure everything around you.
Lots of love and gratefulness for your unlimited support,
Karen
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Mom is buying time
I am sorry for not blogging sooner. The past 4 days have been very busy. Since last Tuesday relatives from all over the map have been flying or driving into Rochester to spend some time with Momma Ruthie. Coordinating the details for all the out-of towners' has been consuming. Supporting Mom to accept that her time to pass is coming, Poppie to prepare for this new transition, keeping close touch with my brothers, sister-in-law, Kimmy and other family members, and spending 12-14 hours a day with Mom in the hospital has been a lot.
Mom has had several painful flare-ups within the past four days. She has also needed transfusions two days ago. She had begun having nose bleeds and coughing up blood. The transfusions had helped to decrease these symptoms. The Doctors have been working diligently to get Mom to a comfortable and pain free state.
The past two days have been extremely difficult deciding on Mom's quality of life. She met with her Palliative Team and Oncology Team two times a day since being admitted last Monday to discuss her present choices. As of yesterday, Mom made a VERY difficult decision for herself. She told her Doctors at this stage in her disease she does not want to receive any more transfusions or interventions for infections that may arise. Mom is receiving Dilaudid and Lidocaine patches only as of yesterday.
Mom is fighting every step of the way to push her Doctors to find a miracle drug.
Mom also fought to stay on the 6-3400 Oncology floor for hospice instead of going down to the referred location on on the 4th floor for hospice care. It is incredible how many Doctors, Nurses, Technicians, Housekeeping, and Food Service come in to see Mom. Many are coming in on their days off as well to spend time with their adopted Mom. It is so touching. Lots of tears from all. Just when I feel I am all dried out I start tearing up again with each persons expression about how Little Momma Ruthie has touched them.
It is going to be such an immense loss for so many people when Mom passes.
I will try to keep you informed from day to day on Mom's status. We are handling the best as we can all the details that need to be addressed to prepare for Mom pre, during and post her passing. I will close with how incredible my family has been the past 7 days. I am including, my immediate family, all my relatives, and the few friends she has had for decades whom I refer to as "Mom." Actually, we have had no less than 12-15 people in Mom's room a day. We needed to transfer Mom into the lounge to accommodate our group several times. It was good for her as well to have a new surrounding.
OK, I will blog again. I want to give Mom a relaxing full body massage. Again, thank you for your love and support,
Karen and our entire family xoxo
Mom has had several painful flare-ups within the past four days. She has also needed transfusions two days ago. She had begun having nose bleeds and coughing up blood. The transfusions had helped to decrease these symptoms. The Doctors have been working diligently to get Mom to a comfortable and pain free state.
The past two days have been extremely difficult deciding on Mom's quality of life. She met with her Palliative Team and Oncology Team two times a day since being admitted last Monday to discuss her present choices. As of yesterday, Mom made a VERY difficult decision for herself. She told her Doctors at this stage in her disease she does not want to receive any more transfusions or interventions for infections that may arise. Mom is receiving Dilaudid and Lidocaine patches only as of yesterday.
Mom is fighting every step of the way to push her Doctors to find a miracle drug.
Mom also fought to stay on the 6-3400 Oncology floor for hospice instead of going down to the referred location on on the 4th floor for hospice care. It is incredible how many Doctors, Nurses, Technicians, Housekeeping, and Food Service come in to see Mom. Many are coming in on their days off as well to spend time with their adopted Mom. It is so touching. Lots of tears from all. Just when I feel I am all dried out I start tearing up again with each persons expression about how Little Momma Ruthie has touched them.
It is going to be such an immense loss for so many people when Mom passes.
I will try to keep you informed from day to day on Mom's status. We are handling the best as we can all the details that need to be addressed to prepare for Mom pre, during and post her passing. I will close with how incredible my family has been the past 7 days. I am including, my immediate family, all my relatives, and the few friends she has had for decades whom I refer to as "Mom." Actually, we have had no less than 12-15 people in Mom's room a day. We needed to transfer Mom into the lounge to accommodate our group several times. It was good for her as well to have a new surrounding.
OK, I will blog again. I want to give Mom a relaxing full body massage. Again, thank you for your love and support,
Karen and our entire family xoxo
Monday, April 12, 2010
Momma Ruthie is loosing the fight
Sunday afternoon, Mom began experiencing extreme muscle pain and nerve pain in her left arm and left leg. For the first time working on her, I was unable to decrease any of her symptoms. Mom and I spoke that maybe it was because the AML is getting worse. We both quickly dismissed that idea in fear it was and focused on what medication may decrease her pains.
At 1pm, I called the pharmacist, told him Mom had AML and what Chemo medication she was receiving(Vidaza.) I told him what pain medications we had in the house. The pharmacist said to give Mom Oxycodone 5 mg. We did, I resumed doing bodywork on her and she eventually fell of into a deep sleep. She awoke with a pain level around a 4in her left arm. Se had almost no pain in her left leg.
Here is the frightening news. By 7pm in the evening, Mom was experiencing severe level 10 plus muscle, nerve and bone pain throughout her body. We all had to confront our worse fear. The AML is now back in full vengeance. Mom was soon moaning, crying and then screaming in pain. Poppie, Brian and I immediately called 911. We impatiently waited for the ambulance to arrive. Poor little Momma Ruthie was excruciating pain and there was NOT a thing we could do to help her. She new and verbalized once we head to the hospital she knows she will never be coming back to her home and she will soon be gone.
While being secured in the ambulance Mom was telling the EMT's what to give her to relieve the pain. She also was telling the EMT they were going the long way to the hospital and they need to take a quicker route. She was too weak to argue. The ambulance arrived at the hospital and Mom was screaming in pain. In between her screams she was telling the Doctors to give her Dialda for her pain her immediately. Mom told them to do the paper work after they her pain under control.
Mom within minutes received a double dose of Dialda through her Hickman. Her pain within minutes was taken away throughout her body and we all were relieved. This did not last. Mom received too much too fast of the Dialda. Mom into respiratory arrest. and into a deep Catatonic state. 7 staff Doctors and Nurses were in the her room within a minute and working on her. They closed off her room with drapes and we had to wait outside the drapes. Brian, Poppie and I were holding each other tightly and ripping inside with concern. Three of us were standing arm in arm with tears streaming down our cheeks, were silent and staring at the drapes that were drawn so we could not see a thing.
It took about 3 minutes to revive Mom. The Doctors gave Mom a reverse serum to cancel out the Dialda. The drapes were drawn back open and we went in. Mom had an oxygen mask, EKG leads on her, several other leads and she was extremely weak, but alive. Unfortunately, within minutes, Mom's pain throughout her body returned. The Doctors started a slow drip of diluted Dialda. Because of the reverse serum in her system the Dialda took a good hour and half to begin to kick in. Once again she was in the pain level as she came in at.
Once the Dialda was able to take hold, Mom's only pain was in her left shoulder, down her arm and into her hand. This was at level 10 and came in bursts of 15 seconds about. Brian left around 2 am from the hospital. A room opened and Mom was taken out of ER to the bone marrow transplant floor. It was 4:00am, she was placed in a private room. Mom was asking the nurses immediately if they could call down the the Oncology floor and see if they had a room available. The Oncology floor is where she has spent the majority of her Chemo treatment care. She considers the entire staff to be family and they to her. Poppie and I left after she was settled and was drifting off a bit. We left and she still was experiencing pain in her left arm, but it decreased to a level 6. We hoped the pain would continue to drop to a 0 pain level.
Here we are Monday. Poppie and I returned to the hospital with my childhood best friend, Lisa. Mom's pain in her arm was now at a 4-6 pain level. The intensity, frequency and duration of time all decreased slightly. The day unfolded by speaking with Mom's Oncology team and then the Palliative team. Mom, Poppie, Lisa and I were dreading, but welcoming the conversations that needed to be discussed. Mom's head Oncologist spoke gently and clearly about the present options that Mom has. We were told that Momma Ruthie has just a few weeks to live. The priority at this time is to make Mom emotionally and physically pain free and comfortable.
Of course, Momma Ruthie being Momma Ruthie, demanded that she receives her last series of Vidaza chemo shots…even though the Doctors felt it wouldn't do anything. Mom simply does not believe in not completing things! That's our little Ruthie…fighting to the very end. We are simply devastated although we knew it would be inevitable. Life is never as long as you want it to be.
Later in the afternoon our Cousin Jody came by to share memories and stories with Mom. Brian shortly arrived after and we all began sharing stories about our Little Momma Ruthie. Between the many tears of sadness we found many tears from laughter rolling down our cheeks. Poppie, Lisa, Brian, Mom and I continued for quite awhile sharing. It was a very special time together.
Around 6pm, Mom got her wish. A private room became available on her the Oncology floor. It was bitter sweat being on that floor. Much of the staff have become "family" to Mom and the rest us. So much affection and love between Mom and the staff has developed over the past 5 months. As we were entering the Oncology unit many of the Nurses and Doctors greeted Mom. They, Mom, Brian and I could cried together. It was wonderful, once again to see the many people Mom has touched in such a positive light. The beautiful thing about Mom is that she does not even realize how loved she is and the incredible gifts she offers to others and leaves them with.
A very special surprise tonight was seeing Mom's closest and oldest best friend and her husband. The stories they shared about each other from years before I was born to the present had all of us laughing and crying. Brian, Poppie and I left Mom this evening on her requested floor. We all hope that Mom's left arm STOPS hurting her and she is entirely becomes pain free.
I will write every evening to share about Mom's last days with us. Thank you so very much for all the love and support you've shown our Energizer Momma Ruthie an the rest of the family. This has been an extremely difficult journey to this day and it has only just begun.
All Our Love,
Karen
At 1pm, I called the pharmacist, told him Mom had AML and what Chemo medication she was receiving(Vidaza.) I told him what pain medications we had in the house. The pharmacist said to give Mom Oxycodone 5 mg. We did, I resumed doing bodywork on her and she eventually fell of into a deep sleep. She awoke with a pain level around a 4in her left arm. Se had almost no pain in her left leg.
Here is the frightening news. By 7pm in the evening, Mom was experiencing severe level 10 plus muscle, nerve and bone pain throughout her body. We all had to confront our worse fear. The AML is now back in full vengeance. Mom was soon moaning, crying and then screaming in pain. Poppie, Brian and I immediately called 911. We impatiently waited for the ambulance to arrive. Poor little Momma Ruthie was excruciating pain and there was NOT a thing we could do to help her. She new and verbalized once we head to the hospital she knows she will never be coming back to her home and she will soon be gone.
While being secured in the ambulance Mom was telling the EMT's what to give her to relieve the pain. She also was telling the EMT they were going the long way to the hospital and they need to take a quicker route. She was too weak to argue. The ambulance arrived at the hospital and Mom was screaming in pain. In between her screams she was telling the Doctors to give her Dialda for her pain her immediately. Mom told them to do the paper work after they her pain under control.
Mom within minutes received a double dose of Dialda through her Hickman. Her pain within minutes was taken away throughout her body and we all were relieved. This did not last. Mom received too much too fast of the Dialda. Mom into respiratory arrest. and into a deep Catatonic state. 7 staff Doctors and Nurses were in the her room within a minute and working on her. They closed off her room with drapes and we had to wait outside the drapes. Brian, Poppie and I were holding each other tightly and ripping inside with concern. Three of us were standing arm in arm with tears streaming down our cheeks, were silent and staring at the drapes that were drawn so we could not see a thing.
It took about 3 minutes to revive Mom. The Doctors gave Mom a reverse serum to cancel out the Dialda. The drapes were drawn back open and we went in. Mom had an oxygen mask, EKG leads on her, several other leads and she was extremely weak, but alive. Unfortunately, within minutes, Mom's pain throughout her body returned. The Doctors started a slow drip of diluted Dialda. Because of the reverse serum in her system the Dialda took a good hour and half to begin to kick in. Once again she was in the pain level as she came in at.
Once the Dialda was able to take hold, Mom's only pain was in her left shoulder, down her arm and into her hand. This was at level 10 and came in bursts of 15 seconds about. Brian left around 2 am from the hospital. A room opened and Mom was taken out of ER to the bone marrow transplant floor. It was 4:00am, she was placed in a private room. Mom was asking the nurses immediately if they could call down the the Oncology floor and see if they had a room available. The Oncology floor is where she has spent the majority of her Chemo treatment care. She considers the entire staff to be family and they to her. Poppie and I left after she was settled and was drifting off a bit. We left and she still was experiencing pain in her left arm, but it decreased to a level 6. We hoped the pain would continue to drop to a 0 pain level.
Here we are Monday. Poppie and I returned to the hospital with my childhood best friend, Lisa. Mom's pain in her arm was now at a 4-6 pain level. The intensity, frequency and duration of time all decreased slightly. The day unfolded by speaking with Mom's Oncology team and then the Palliative team. Mom, Poppie, Lisa and I were dreading, but welcoming the conversations that needed to be discussed. Mom's head Oncologist spoke gently and clearly about the present options that Mom has. We were told that Momma Ruthie has just a few weeks to live. The priority at this time is to make Mom emotionally and physically pain free and comfortable.
Of course, Momma Ruthie being Momma Ruthie, demanded that she receives her last series of Vidaza chemo shots…even though the Doctors felt it wouldn't do anything. Mom simply does not believe in not completing things! That's our little Ruthie…fighting to the very end. We are simply devastated although we knew it would be inevitable. Life is never as long as you want it to be.
Later in the afternoon our Cousin Jody came by to share memories and stories with Mom. Brian shortly arrived after and we all began sharing stories about our Little Momma Ruthie. Between the many tears of sadness we found many tears from laughter rolling down our cheeks. Poppie, Lisa, Brian, Mom and I continued for quite awhile sharing. It was a very special time together.
Around 6pm, Mom got her wish. A private room became available on her the Oncology floor. It was bitter sweat being on that floor. Much of the staff have become "family" to Mom and the rest us. So much affection and love between Mom and the staff has developed over the past 5 months. As we were entering the Oncology unit many of the Nurses and Doctors greeted Mom. They, Mom, Brian and I could cried together. It was wonderful, once again to see the many people Mom has touched in such a positive light. The beautiful thing about Mom is that she does not even realize how loved she is and the incredible gifts she offers to others and leaves them with.
A very special surprise tonight was seeing Mom's closest and oldest best friend and her husband. The stories they shared about each other from years before I was born to the present had all of us laughing and crying. Brian, Poppie and I left Mom this evening on her requested floor. We all hope that Mom's left arm STOPS hurting her and she is entirely becomes pain free.
I will write every evening to share about Mom's last days with us. Thank you so very much for all the love and support you've shown our Energizer Momma Ruthie an the rest of the family. This has been an extremely difficult journey to this day and it has only just begun.
All Our Love,
Karen
Saturday, April 10, 2010
A Frightening and Painful Day
Mom, Poppie and I were off to the hospital by 10am this morning for Mom's Vidaza Injections. Brian had met us at the hospital to simply be together. Mom was feeling pretty good with moderate and intermittent right arm deep ache with slight pain into her hand. I was able to control her symptoms with some trigger point work.
We had time to pass before her injections so I suggested that Mom and I visit her Oncology floor to say hello to the staff on duty. I know how much the connection with each individual brightens her spirits and day. There were so many Nurses, Dr.'s and staff members that immediately approached Mom to give her hugs. One Nurse had gotten engaged since Mom was on the floor for treatment last month. The Nurse embraced Mom with such a tight and long hug. They spoke and shared tears together about Mom's relapse. Then the Nurse asked if Mom would be a greeter at her wedding in early August? This put the biggest smile on Mom's face and they both hugged and Mom said she accepts and will fight to be there.
I forgot to tell you, when I arrived earlier this morning from SD, I had noticed Mom's right hand exhibited bruising/internal bleeding. I thought this may be a result to her platelets being low. Prior to her appointment in the morning the bruising had not spread nor changed in color.
A little over an hour after returning from the hospital around 12:30pm I had noticed that Mom's right hand exhibited deep bruising past her writ and slightly up and around her forearm. We called the emergency number given to us and the Oncology Dr. on call said to bring her back to the hospital and admit her into hospital through the ER Department. We arrived around 3pm, Mom was taken immediately, we were given a private room and a Nurse then Dr. began the intake then treatment.
Brian, Poppie, and I sat with Mom for 4.5 hours while she was examined, her blood drawn and tested. Mom was suffering during this time with moderate to severe pain in her right shoulder, down her arm, into her elbow and into her hand. Again, with Trigger Point work and some range of motion and stretching her symptoms decreased to almost gone. Mom chose not to tell the Dr. about her pain in fear of staying overnight.
Mom's platelets are low, but not pressing for a transfusion. The Dr. decided to ave Mom re-examine her on Sunday, tomorrow, when she comes in for her Vidaza Injections. On Monday she happens to already be scheduled to have her blood drawn and tested. We all were pleased to be going home. On the way home, Mom received a surprise call by one of her Oncologist Dr. Interns whom adopted her back in November. Well she adopted him as well. She loves to tell people she now has a Doctor son in the family. He, his wife and son stopped by to say hello, give Mom a small gift and make sure her mental state is OK. It is wonderful to see how Mom touches so many people and is truly loved by many.
Around 9pm Mom began having severe pain/deep ache into her right arm and into her hand again. I had iced her, did some therapy and again it calmed a bit. Around 12am Mom began another episode of pain/deep acheiness into her right arm into to her hand and now in her left hip down her leg into her chin. Yes, these seem to resemble the symptoms she experienced in October 2009 prior to her diagnosis. I again applied her ice, repositioned her in bed and began Trigger Point and Soft Tissue Therapy on her. It took a good 45 minutes before the pain cycle broke. She finally fell asleep within the hour and half of working on her. She fell into a deep sleep within the hour and half and was no longer moaning in pain. Such great relief for her and for me. Oh, it is so difficult to witness someone you love so deeply be in such agony and pain.
I am exhausted. I will write again tomorrow night. I am going to steal some shut eye before she needs me. Hopefully, she is able to sleep for several hours and get some rest.
Again, your love, prayers and support is so very appreciated. Thank You xoxo
Karen
We had time to pass before her injections so I suggested that Mom and I visit her Oncology floor to say hello to the staff on duty. I know how much the connection with each individual brightens her spirits and day. There were so many Nurses, Dr.'s and staff members that immediately approached Mom to give her hugs. One Nurse had gotten engaged since Mom was on the floor for treatment last month. The Nurse embraced Mom with such a tight and long hug. They spoke and shared tears together about Mom's relapse. Then the Nurse asked if Mom would be a greeter at her wedding in early August? This put the biggest smile on Mom's face and they both hugged and Mom said she accepts and will fight to be there.
I forgot to tell you, when I arrived earlier this morning from SD, I had noticed Mom's right hand exhibited bruising/internal bleeding. I thought this may be a result to her platelets being low. Prior to her appointment in the morning the bruising had not spread nor changed in color.
A little over an hour after returning from the hospital around 12:30pm I had noticed that Mom's right hand exhibited deep bruising past her writ and slightly up and around her forearm. We called the emergency number given to us and the Oncology Dr. on call said to bring her back to the hospital and admit her into hospital through the ER Department. We arrived around 3pm, Mom was taken immediately, we were given a private room and a Nurse then Dr. began the intake then treatment.
Brian, Poppie, and I sat with Mom for 4.5 hours while she was examined, her blood drawn and tested. Mom was suffering during this time with moderate to severe pain in her right shoulder, down her arm, into her elbow and into her hand. Again, with Trigger Point work and some range of motion and stretching her symptoms decreased to almost gone. Mom chose not to tell the Dr. about her pain in fear of staying overnight.
Mom's platelets are low, but not pressing for a transfusion. The Dr. decided to ave Mom re-examine her on Sunday, tomorrow, when she comes in for her Vidaza Injections. On Monday she happens to already be scheduled to have her blood drawn and tested. We all were pleased to be going home. On the way home, Mom received a surprise call by one of her Oncologist Dr. Interns whom adopted her back in November. Well she adopted him as well. She loves to tell people she now has a Doctor son in the family. He, his wife and son stopped by to say hello, give Mom a small gift and make sure her mental state is OK. It is wonderful to see how Mom touches so many people and is truly loved by many.
Around 9pm Mom began having severe pain/deep ache into her right arm and into her hand again. I had iced her, did some therapy and again it calmed a bit. Around 12am Mom began another episode of pain/deep acheiness into her right arm into to her hand and now in her left hip down her leg into her chin. Yes, these seem to resemble the symptoms she experienced in October 2009 prior to her diagnosis. I again applied her ice, repositioned her in bed and began Trigger Point and Soft Tissue Therapy on her. It took a good 45 minutes before the pain cycle broke. She finally fell asleep within the hour and half of working on her. She fell into a deep sleep within the hour and half and was no longer moaning in pain. Such great relief for her and for me. Oh, it is so difficult to witness someone you love so deeply be in such agony and pain.
I am exhausted. I will write again tomorrow night. I am going to steal some shut eye before she needs me. Hopefully, she is able to sleep for several hours and get some rest.
Again, your love, prayers and support is so very appreciated. Thank You xoxo
Karen
Mom’s Will to Live is Strong!
Mom, Poppie and Brian met with Mom’s Oncology Head Nurse Friday morning. The news was not good. Mom is now up at 84% blasts. This means that her bone marrow is aggressively producing the AML and it is peripheral into her blood. Her Doctor’s are encouraging Mom and the rest of us to be patient and allow the new Chemo Injections to take effect. The biopsy results on Mom’s upper torso front and back have not come in yet. Actually, Mom said she is O.K. not knowing the results. It is one less thing to focus on.
I need not express the intense emotions that filled Mom and the rest of us today.
Earlier in the week, I had spoken with Mom’s Oncology Head Nurse to get the details on her present medical condition. Kimmy and I were informed that Mom’s blasts on Tuesday increased to 72% from 53% in less than a week. We decided it would be best for me to fly home as soon as possible. Kimmy will be flying out on April 19
as we had planned originally for the two of us.
After receiving the tests results Friday morning, Kimmy and I decided to tell Mom and Poppie about my surprise to come home yesterday. We felt Mom and Poppie needed some good news after the Friday appointment and give them something to look forward to so I told them that I changed my flight to come home Saturday at 12:04 am. Mom immediately went into deep sobs. She let go and shared her immense fears around the recent test results, her not knowing how long she really has to live, and her fears on how will Poppie live without her and the rest of the family simply was overwhelming her.
Kimmy and I realized my unannounced arrival to come home early may possibly throw her deeper into fear and that she would believe we were told she had a small window of time to live. Sure enough this was what she had thought at first. After expressing this to me over the phone, Mom and I knew we needed to be in the same space. Mom and I were craving to feel and see each other and share this process to its entirety . Mom, after a few more minutes talking on the phone she quickly pulled herself together.
Mom started listing what she was going to do with excitement to get my room and the house ready for my arrival. Poppie, as well regrouped and his focus was on what he loves doing the most. Yup, to go food shopping. He quickly did a food inventory in the house with Mom while I was on the phone in the airport listening. After our phone call, he ran out to Wegmans to get additional items that I could enjoy. Truly their pleasures are mine, wink.
I arrived safely at the airport. Brian, Mom and Poppie picked me up. Mom’s energy level was extremely low when I arrived. As the hour passed into 1 am this morning, Brian returned home, Poppie went to bed and Mom and I did what we do best; we talked like college friends to wee hours of the night. We covered many topics and Mom got her second wind. Mom was back to her old self and I kept mentioning we better settle in for bed since we needed to be up and out by 9am to head to the hospital. Mom giggled and said she has not had this much energy since I left Rochester several weeks ago.
Prior to heading in for the a few hours of sleep, Mom wanted me to do a detailed look over from head to toe on her. I also took a look at her injection sights, her skin markings, her biopsies, various mystery bruising, and lastly checked all the previous skin biopsies. She then insisted it was my turn to share and she looked at all my skin markings and how well my biopsy is coming along. What a pair we are, wink. We soon gave each other big hugs, a few kisses, Mom tucked me in and we said we see each other in a few hours. It felt wonderful for both of us to be together again.
I will keep you closely posted as the days pass. We are now leaving for the hospital to receive her day 5 of 7 for Chemo injection for the day.
Lots of Love and thank you for your endless prayers,
Karen
I need not express the intense emotions that filled Mom and the rest of us today.
Earlier in the week, I had spoken with Mom’s Oncology Head Nurse to get the details on her present medical condition. Kimmy and I were informed that Mom’s blasts on Tuesday increased to 72% from 53% in less than a week. We decided it would be best for me to fly home as soon as possible. Kimmy will be flying out on April 19
as we had planned originally for the two of us.
After receiving the tests results Friday morning, Kimmy and I decided to tell Mom and Poppie about my surprise to come home yesterday. We felt Mom and Poppie needed some good news after the Friday appointment and give them something to look forward to so I told them that I changed my flight to come home Saturday at 12:04 am. Mom immediately went into deep sobs. She let go and shared her immense fears around the recent test results, her not knowing how long she really has to live, and her fears on how will Poppie live without her and the rest of the family simply was overwhelming her.
Kimmy and I realized my unannounced arrival to come home early may possibly throw her deeper into fear and that she would believe we were told she had a small window of time to live. Sure enough this was what she had thought at first. After expressing this to me over the phone, Mom and I knew we needed to be in the same space. Mom and I were craving to feel and see each other and share this process to its entirety . Mom, after a few more minutes talking on the phone she quickly pulled herself together.
Mom started listing what she was going to do with excitement to get my room and the house ready for my arrival. Poppie, as well regrouped and his focus was on what he loves doing the most. Yup, to go food shopping. He quickly did a food inventory in the house with Mom while I was on the phone in the airport listening. After our phone call, he ran out to Wegmans to get additional items that I could enjoy. Truly their pleasures are mine, wink.
I arrived safely at the airport. Brian, Mom and Poppie picked me up. Mom’s energy level was extremely low when I arrived. As the hour passed into 1 am this morning, Brian returned home, Poppie went to bed and Mom and I did what we do best; we talked like college friends to wee hours of the night. We covered many topics and Mom got her second wind. Mom was back to her old self and I kept mentioning we better settle in for bed since we needed to be up and out by 9am to head to the hospital. Mom giggled and said she has not had this much energy since I left Rochester several weeks ago.
Prior to heading in for the a few hours of sleep, Mom wanted me to do a detailed look over from head to toe on her. I also took a look at her injection sights, her skin markings, her biopsies, various mystery bruising, and lastly checked all the previous skin biopsies. She then insisted it was my turn to share and she looked at all my skin markings and how well my biopsy is coming along. What a pair we are, wink. We soon gave each other big hugs, a few kisses, Mom tucked me in and we said we see each other in a few hours. It felt wonderful for both of us to be together again.
I will keep you closely posted as the days pass. We are now leaving for the hospital to receive her day 5 of 7 for Chemo injection for the day.
Lots of Love and thank you for your endless prayers,
Karen
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
New Treatment Plan Began Yesterday
Mom was pitched a curve ball on Monday by her Oncologists. She and Poppie received the results from her Bone Biopsy from April 1st. Mom's entire Oncology team was stunned and deeply saddened, as Mom and Poppie, to hear Mom entered a relapse in the middle of her Chemo Consolidation treatment. She no longer was showing below the 5% blasts line. She was showing 53% blasts. This means the present Chemo is no longer fighting her AML. It is amazing that the Chemo medication, Cytaracine, which was a doze for a 50 year old all this time could no longer battle the AML. Can you say DEVASTATION! Yes, we all felt like we were punched in the stomach and could not get a breath.
Yesterday, Mom kept her eye on that "curve ball," visualized making a solid contact with that ball (which is the AML)and is watching her AML sailing out of the park (which is out of her body). Mom may be 75 years old, but she is still mentally and physically strong and determined to get her way! Mom and Poppie spent the previous 48 hours regrouping their strength and positive thinking. They both walked into the hospital yesterday to begin her new treatment with great optimism.
Mom began receiving 3 shots per day of Vidaza for 7 days in a row. She then takes 3 weeks off from the shots and begins again the shots for 7 days. This is administered for 3 months. She will continue going into the hospital for her blood drawings, Hickman flushing and IV's when needed.
Mom, last week also broke out with another type of skin rash on her upper torso front and back. Yesterday, she had some biopsy's taken to identify if they are another form of skin Leukemia or not. Months ago she had skin Leukemia on her head and the Chemo was able to knock it out. We trust this new Chemo drug will do the same.
To end with some positive thoughts, Mom is not experiencing any discomfort or pain from her injections so far. Yesterday and today, Mom is NOT showing any symptoms from her injections. She and Poppie are staying foucsed that she is still an ANOMALY and will be helping others with AML in years to come to fight as she has and is.
I will keep you closely posted.
Lots of love and feel the best you can,
Karen
Yesterday, Mom kept her eye on that "curve ball," visualized making a solid contact with that ball (which is the AML)and is watching her AML sailing out of the park (which is out of her body). Mom may be 75 years old, but she is still mentally and physically strong and determined to get her way! Mom and Poppie spent the previous 48 hours regrouping their strength and positive thinking. They both walked into the hospital yesterday to begin her new treatment with great optimism.
Mom began receiving 3 shots per day of Vidaza for 7 days in a row. She then takes 3 weeks off from the shots and begins again the shots for 7 days. This is administered for 3 months. She will continue going into the hospital for her blood drawings, Hickman flushing and IV's when needed.
Mom, last week also broke out with another type of skin rash on her upper torso front and back. Yesterday, she had some biopsy's taken to identify if they are another form of skin Leukemia or not. Months ago she had skin Leukemia on her head and the Chemo was able to knock it out. We trust this new Chemo drug will do the same.
To end with some positive thoughts, Mom is not experiencing any discomfort or pain from her injections so far. Yesterday and today, Mom is NOT showing any symptoms from her injections. She and Poppie are staying foucsed that she is still an ANOMALY and will be helping others with AML in years to come to fight as she has and is.
I will keep you closely posted.
Lots of love and feel the best you can,
Karen
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Solid as a Rock
I would like to apologize for the last blog being 13 days ago. Since Mom has been on a steady path of maintaing well, I took the opportunity to focus on my medical, professional and personal needs.
Mom continues to be challenged to maintain a balance with a positive attitude and take control personality over her AML. Thursday, April 1st, Mom went in for another Bone Biopsy. With excitement from her Oncology team, they were able to obtain enough "liquid" and bone fragments to test. This is the first time in six months they could obtain both to test. Yes, this fueled Mom and Poppies hopes to once again begin living their life and traveling together and with loved ones.
Mom continues to suffer from fatigue with physical exertion which frustrates her greatly. She battles her desire to get on her treadmill for her 6 miles, but instead walks for 3-5 minutes on her treadmill. She craves to complete projects in one step. Yes, this consists of cleaning, dusting and detailing her entire house or clearing and then replanting her entire garden to just name a few things. It angers her that her energy and muscle fatigue drops within 10-15 minutes. She is learning that is OK, to return to a project many times. After all, it will still be there the way she left it when she returns it, wink.
Mom and I have been sharing the many lessons in life that I have adopted or weaved into my daily living. Her forced life change, for now, saddens her greatly. We chat a bit and she soon becomes grateful she for all she is presently able to do. Though all she does is greatly shortened in time she is slowly learning to appreciate it. Mom is learning the difficult lesson that "less is more." She is also learning the preciousness in "being able to do instead of not being able do at all." I am very proud of her.
Mom goes back into the hospital on April 9th for her 3rd Chemo Consolidation. She will be in the hospital for a week. She then will have appointments daily, as the previous consolidations, as an outpatient. She will receive her Neupogen injections, blood drawings, IV infusions and follow up appointments with her doctors for the remainder of April.
Kimmy and I will be flying to Rochester a week after Mom gets out of the hospital. Unfortunately, we are not able to leave early do to my personal and medical responsibilities. We arrive in Rochester on April 20th in the early morning. We are so looking forward to being home with the family. Soon we will be able to enjoy Mom and Poppie 24/7 once again. Skype is great to have daily, but it does not give the "touch" value.
Oh, speaking of SKYPE. As you know I bring my laptop everywhere for Mom and Poppie to share with Kimmy, Shayna Punum and I. Brian came out for a visit in SD. I was able to get him a gig to put on a Professional Magic Show. I set up SKYPE and Mom and Poppie saw the entire show, spoke with many friends and strangers in the audience and had a ball for several hours with us. By the way, Brian truly brought "The House Down." Brian not only WOWED everyone with his show, but he was asked to do another show in a few months in a club here in San Diego's downtown Gas Lamp. I and Kimmy were so incredibly proud of him. It was great having him stay with us for a short two weeks. We look foward to his next visit.
OK, enough for now. If anything changes with Mom I will blog immediately.
Love and hugs to everyone,
Karen
Mom continues to be challenged to maintain a balance with a positive attitude and take control personality over her AML. Thursday, April 1st, Mom went in for another Bone Biopsy. With excitement from her Oncology team, they were able to obtain enough "liquid" and bone fragments to test. This is the first time in six months they could obtain both to test. Yes, this fueled Mom and Poppies hopes to once again begin living their life and traveling together and with loved ones.
Mom continues to suffer from fatigue with physical exertion which frustrates her greatly. She battles her desire to get on her treadmill for her 6 miles, but instead walks for 3-5 minutes on her treadmill. She craves to complete projects in one step. Yes, this consists of cleaning, dusting and detailing her entire house or clearing and then replanting her entire garden to just name a few things. It angers her that her energy and muscle fatigue drops within 10-15 minutes. She is learning that is OK, to return to a project many times. After all, it will still be there the way she left it when she returns it, wink.
Mom and I have been sharing the many lessons in life that I have adopted or weaved into my daily living. Her forced life change, for now, saddens her greatly. We chat a bit and she soon becomes grateful she for all she is presently able to do. Though all she does is greatly shortened in time she is slowly learning to appreciate it. Mom is learning the difficult lesson that "less is more." She is also learning the preciousness in "being able to do instead of not being able do at all." I am very proud of her.
Mom goes back into the hospital on April 9th for her 3rd Chemo Consolidation. She will be in the hospital for a week. She then will have appointments daily, as the previous consolidations, as an outpatient. She will receive her Neupogen injections, blood drawings, IV infusions and follow up appointments with her doctors for the remainder of April.
Kimmy and I will be flying to Rochester a week after Mom gets out of the hospital. Unfortunately, we are not able to leave early do to my personal and medical responsibilities. We arrive in Rochester on April 20th in the early morning. We are so looking forward to being home with the family. Soon we will be able to enjoy Mom and Poppie 24/7 once again. Skype is great to have daily, but it does not give the "touch" value.
Oh, speaking of SKYPE. As you know I bring my laptop everywhere for Mom and Poppie to share with Kimmy, Shayna Punum and I. Brian came out for a visit in SD. I was able to get him a gig to put on a Professional Magic Show. I set up SKYPE and Mom and Poppie saw the entire show, spoke with many friends and strangers in the audience and had a ball for several hours with us. By the way, Brian truly brought "The House Down." Brian not only WOWED everyone with his show, but he was asked to do another show in a few months in a club here in San Diego's downtown Gas Lamp. I and Kimmy were so incredibly proud of him. It was great having him stay with us for a short two weeks. We look foward to his next visit.
OK, enough for now. If anything changes with Mom I will blog immediately.
Love and hugs to everyone,
Karen
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