Momma Ruthie is loosing the fight

Sunday afternoon, Mom began experiencing extreme muscle pain and nerve pain in her left arm and left leg. For the first time working on her, I was unable to decrease any of her symptoms. Mom and I spoke that maybe it was because the AML is getting worse. We both quickly dismissed that idea in fear it was and focused on what medication may decrease her pains.

At 1pm, I called the pharmacist, told him Mom had AML and what Chemo medication she was receiving(Vidaza.) I told him what pain medications we had in the house. The pharmacist said to give Mom Oxycodone 5 mg. We did, I resumed doing bodywork on her and she eventually fell of into a deep sleep. She awoke with a pain level around a 4in her left arm. Se had almost no pain in her left leg.

Here is the frightening news. By 7pm in the evening, Mom was experiencing severe level 10 plus muscle, nerve and bone pain throughout her body. We all had to confront our worse fear. The AML is now back in full vengeance. Mom was soon moaning, crying and then screaming in pain. Poppie, Brian and I immediately called 911. We impatiently waited for the ambulance to arrive. Poor little Momma Ruthie was excruciating pain and there was NOT a thing we could do to help her. She new and verbalized once we head to the hospital she knows she will never be coming back to her home and she will soon be gone.

While being secured in the ambulance Mom was telling the EMT's what to give her to relieve the pain. She also was telling the EMT they were going the long way to the hospital and they need to take a quicker route. She was too weak to argue. The ambulance arrived at the hospital and Mom was screaming in pain. In between her screams she was telling the Doctors to give her Dialda for her pain her immediately. Mom told them to do the paper work after they her pain under control.

Mom within minutes received a double dose of Dialda through her Hickman. Her pain within minutes was taken away throughout her body and we all were relieved. This did not last. Mom received too much too fast of the Dialda. Mom into respiratory arrest. and into a deep Catatonic state. 7 staff Doctors and Nurses were in the her room within a minute and working on her. They closed off her room with drapes and we had to wait outside the drapes. Brian, Poppie and I were holding each other tightly and ripping inside with concern. Three of us were standing arm in arm with tears streaming down our cheeks, were silent and staring at the drapes that were drawn so we could not see a thing.

It took about 3 minutes to revive Mom. The Doctors gave Mom a reverse serum to cancel out the Dialda. The drapes were drawn back open and we went in. Mom had an oxygen mask, EKG leads on her, several other leads and she was extremely weak, but alive. Unfortunately, within minutes, Mom's pain throughout her body returned. The Doctors started a slow drip of diluted Dialda. Because of the reverse serum in her system the Dialda took a good hour and half to begin to kick in. Once again she was in the pain level as she came in at.

Once the Dialda was able to take hold, Mom's only pain was in her left shoulder, down her arm and into her hand. This was at level 10 and came in bursts of 15 seconds about. Brian left around 2 am from the hospital. A room opened and Mom was taken out of ER to the bone marrow transplant floor. It was 4:00am, she was placed in a private room. Mom was asking the nurses immediately if they could call down the the Oncology floor and see if they had a room available. The Oncology floor is where she has spent the majority of her Chemo treatment care. She considers the entire staff to be family and they to her. Poppie and I left after she was settled and was drifting off a bit. We left and she still was experiencing pain in her left arm, but it decreased to a level 6. We hoped the pain would continue to drop to a 0 pain level.

Here we are Monday. Poppie and I returned to the hospital with my childhood best friend, Lisa. Mom's pain in her arm was now at a 4-6 pain level. The intensity, frequency and duration of time all decreased slightly. The day unfolded by speaking with Mom's Oncology team and then the Palliative team. Mom, Poppie, Lisa and I were dreading, but welcoming the conversations that needed to be discussed. Mom's head Oncologist spoke gently and clearly about the present options that Mom has. We were told that Momma Ruthie has just a few weeks to live. The priority at this time is to make Mom emotionally and physically pain free and comfortable.

Of course, Momma Ruthie being Momma Ruthie, demanded that she receives her last series of Vidaza chemo shots…even though the Doctors felt it wouldn't do anything. Mom simply does not believe in not completing things! That's our little Ruthie…fighting to the very end. We are simply devastated although we knew it would be inevitable. Life is never as long as you want it to be.

Later in the afternoon our Cousin Jody came by to share memories and stories with Mom. Brian shortly arrived after and we all began sharing stories about our Little Momma Ruthie. Between the many tears of sadness we found many tears from laughter rolling down our cheeks. Poppie, Lisa, Brian, Mom and I continued for quite awhile sharing. It was a very special time together.

Around 6pm, Mom got her wish. A private room became available on her the Oncology floor. It was bitter sweat being on that floor. Much of the staff have become "family" to Mom and the rest us. So much affection and love between Mom and the staff has developed over the past 5 months. As we were entering the Oncology unit many of the Nurses and Doctors greeted Mom. They, Mom, Brian and I could cried together. It was wonderful, once again to see the many people Mom has touched in such a positive light. The beautiful thing about Mom is that she does not even realize how loved she is and the incredible gifts she offers to others and leaves them with.

A very special surprise tonight was seeing Mom's closest and oldest best friend and her husband. The stories they shared about each other from years before I was born to the present had all of us laughing and crying. Brian, Poppie and I left Mom this evening on her requested floor. We all hope that Mom's left arm STOPS hurting her and she is entirely becomes pain free.

I will write every evening to share about Mom's last days with us. Thank you so very much for all the love and support you've shown our Energizer Momma Ruthie an the rest of the family. This has been an extremely difficult journey to this day and it has only just begun.

All Our Love,
Karen