Emotionally a lot of life remains

Shortly after leaving Mom last night, around midnight, she had another level 10 flare up. This time it was her right shoulder down the arm and into her hand. She was in terrible pain for about 90 minutes. The Nurse had to give Mom two boosts of Dilaudid (pain medication) until her pain level went down to a 2-3 level. Thankfully, she was not left alone. Her Nurse and her Patient Care Technician stayed with her for the entire time until her pain decreased. The PCT continued to stay with Mom and massaged her for a good 20 minutes. It is so comforting knowing Mom has such tender and loving care when we, the family, are not around.

Around 8:00am this morning, Mom sounded exhausted and her voice was extremely grumbly/froggy. This continued all day. In the morning Mom had a about 8 people visiting her. Around 4pm, the family was permitted to take Mom outside in a wheelchair. We wheeled her into a garden outside the hospital. We took some family pictures and we all enjoyed the fresh air, the 62 degree weather, the light breeze, the warmth from the sunlight and simply being together.

After being outside, Mom was wiped out! Around 7pm the family left. Kimmy and I stayed with Mom for the rest of the night. Mom was extremely sad and we started to talk about her feelings revolving around her dying. This is a topic she has not been able to speak about. Lots of tears, locked eyes, and not much talk occurred between us. I am being patient for her to start talking. Mom is simply angry and NOT ready to stop living! It is so painful to see Mom struggle to control her destiny. She wants LIFE and she cannot change her destiny.

I asked Mom at a certain point if she wanted me to massage her. She gave me that big smile with a nod saying YES. I worked on Mom for almost an hour. She finally relaxed physically, but that mind of hers would not shut off. There was one wonderful distraction for Mom. One of the many Nurses that adore Mom came in to chat. she was sharing with Mom how she was such an inspiration to set a date for her wedding sooner than later. Mom and she proceeded to talk and plan the entire wedding. This brought a big smile, laughter and giggling. Mom so loves life and it shows.

It simply breaks my heart that Mom has to suffer before passing away. This is just "wrong" for anyone to have to suffer so.

More to come tomorrow.

Thank you for all your unconditional support,
Karen